You're probably thinking that these words are 'I love you' but whilst these words are essential to a lasting relationship, they are not the most essential ones that keep that relationship together. So, what words could possibly be more important?

1. Communication

The most important ingredient in any relationship is communication. Most relationships break-up because of a breakdown in communication. It's easy to think that people know what you mean when you say or do something, but that's often far from the reality.

You may think that because you always open a door for your partner, or never go out without them, that they know you love them. Have you told them that you love them, or do you just assume that they can translate opening doors and staying home as 'I love you'?

If you're not happy with something that your partner has done, do you discuss it with them, or do you just assume that by banging doors and ignoring them that they will understand not only that they've done something to upset you, but also that they will know exactly why it is you're upset with them?

Much of what is said, or done, can be misinterpreted by someone else. What seems clear to you, because you're focusing on the issue, might not be clear for someone who isn't even thinking about it. Not understanding this means that the situation goes from bad to worse because one person thinks their feelings are not being respected, and the other person has no idea what they've done but is probably aware that they've done something!

Clear communication every time is difficult, but if you want your relationship to last, then you need to make an effort to ensure that your partner is always aware of how you feel about a situation. If your relationship is important to you, then you always need to clarify that your partner knows exactly how you feel.

Don't accept something so that you don't hurt their feelings - like eating something you hate for example, just to please them - it's better you tell them the truth or you'll be living with that (and eating it) from now until eternity!

If you disagree about something, it doesn't have to be an argument - discuss your opinions and respect each others' right to hold a differing opinion. If you aren't happy with something, discuss it, don't let it fester until it becomes a serious issue. And if you love your partner - tell them - don't just assume that they know.

2. Honesty/Trust

Any relationship that's a little lacking in the honesty department is going to be under a strain. Your partner needs to trust that whatever you tell them, it's the truth. Whilst you don't want to walk into landmine questions such as the honest response to 'do I look fat in this?' type questions, you can field them with saying that they look much more sexy in another outfit (identify one or they'll know you're sinking!).

Trust issues create cracks in many relationships and so if your partner knows that you are honest with them, then any insecurity in the relationship should disappear. This means that anyone trying to cause mischief in the relationship by suggesting that something is happening between your partner and someone else is going to be dismissed for the trouble-making that it is, and therefore ignored.

At the start of your relationship, make an honesty pact that if either of you is having a problem with the other, and it's serious enough to have you consider breaking the relationship, then you'll discuss it and see if it can be fixed before you do anything else.

Make sure that you are both confident in each other - don't forget, if you're not being completely honest, why should you think that your partner is honest with you? If you maintain the integrity of your relationship it stands a much better chance of surviving.

3. Respect

Although respect is something that you are taught to do with your elders, it's something that ought to come naturally to you when you are dealing with your partner. Any relationship where one partner disrespects the other is doomed for failure.

Respect doesn't just mean listening without interrupting when someone is speaking - although that should still hold true. In a relationship, respect means that you don't always get what you want. Sometimes you have to respect your partner's wishes. As a couple, you need to respect that each other has to be considered in every major decision you make, before you make it.

Although it respect in a relationship should cover things like not having the television too loud when your partner is trying to sleep or has a headache, it really means that you are always considerate to how they will feel about something.

You don't argue publicly with them, or do something to embarrass them. You never speak out against them or allow someone else to do so without saying something in their defense. Respect in a relationship is about being considerate to your partner's feelings and opinions, and wanting them to be seen in the most positive light.

Although there are many other qualities that a perfect relationship needs, love being one of the most important of these, it is these three that are the glue which will hold any relationship together through any crisis that occurs. Build your relationship on honesty, mutual respect and good communication, and you are building it on a firm foundation that should prove unshakable.

 

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